Part 3: The Relationships I Always Wanted And the Identity That Made Them Possible

Sometimes the most powerful decisions don’t look powerful.

They look quiet and can feel shaky.

Like crying alone on the kitchen floor while reheating leftovers.

Like sending a text that ends something you kept pretending still had potential.

They look like you choosing you… before you feel ready.

Leaving wasn’t the hard part.

Staying gone was.

Because no one tells high-achieving women how to sit in the space between no longer tolerating crumbs and not yet knowing how to feed themselves with real emotional nourishment.

I had walked away from misalignment but I hadn’t yet walked toward me.

Not fully.

So, I did what most successful, emotionally intelligent women do when things get too quiet:

I got productive.

I threw myself into projects, responsibilities, parenting, work.

I got organised. Efficient. Unbothered, on the outside.

But inside?

I was seething.

Not just with grief but with rage.

That hot, honest anger that lives beneath decades of self-abandonment.

My inner child. My teenage self.

The parts of me who kept the peace.

Who twisted themselves to feel safe.

Who settled for emotional crumbs in relationships because they were too afraid of being left starving.

They were pissed.

Not just at what had happened but at how I had participated.

Because at some point, the question isn’t “Why did they treat me that way?”

It becomes: Why did I allow it to continue?

And the answer hit me like a gut punch:

Because I didn’t know how to value myself outside of performance.

I knew how to be successful.

I knew how to be needed.

I knew how to be admired.

But I didn’t know how to be emotionally seen—by myself or anyone else.

So I made a new decision:

No more performing.

No more proving.

No more over-functioning in relationships where I was emotionally underfed.

But let me be honest:

That clarity didn’t come overnight.

Like many high-achieving women, I did the work.

I read all the books.

I went to therapy.

I practiced boundaries.

I repeated the affirmations.

I knew my attachment style like it was a personality quiz.

I even tried dating “the right way” more conscious, more discerning, more empowered.

And still… I ended up in versions of the same dynamic.

Slightly different faces. Slightly better communication.

But the same gut feeling of “I’m giving too much and still not being fully met.”

Because I hadn’t gone deep enough.

I was trying to change patterns without shifting the identity that created them.

I was doing more, not becoming different.

I still thought I had to earn emotional safety instead of realizing I could embody it.

That was the real breakthrough.

Because this wasn’t about learning a better boundary script.

It was about finally believing I was worthy of relationships where I didn’t have to constantly protect myself.

That’s when everything started to shift.

I decided to stop outsourcing my safety to people who hadn’t earned access to me.

Because this wasn’t just about choosing better relationships.

It was about becoming a woman who no longer needed to settle.

The version of me that stayed in misaligned dynamics was rooted in an old identity—one that believed emotional safety was a luxury, not a right.

But the new me?

The elevated me?

She didn’t need to beg to be chosen.

She chose herself, with the same certainty she’d chosen success.

And here’s what’s wild:

Once I embodied that shift, everything around me changed.

Not because I tried harder.

Not because I became “secure.”

But because I stopped betraying myself.

I entered relationships differently.

Not to find someone to validate me—but to meet people from a place of wholeness.

And when I met my now-husband?

It wasn’t fireworks.

It was something rarer: peace.

He didn’t say all the right things. He didn’t try to fix me.

He just met me. Where I was. As I was.

No masks. No performance. No emotional gymnastics.

For the first time, I wasn’t trying to earn connection.

I wasn’t filtering myself to be liked.

I wasn’t overexplaining my needs to avoid rejection.

I was seen and held.

And the biggest shift?

My body knew.

Years of nervous system overload… gone.

The hair loss. The chronic tension. The constant over-analysis of tone and text.

All of it stopped.

Because I had stopped being a stranger to myself.

And even now yes, I’m still wired for anxiety.

I still notice shifts. Still catch the urge to over-function.

But the difference?

I trust myself now.

I know how to hold me so I don’t demand others to fill what I’ve finally reclaimed.

That’s the real work.

Not becoming perfect.

Not becoming emotionally bulletproof.

But becoming so anchored in your identity that you no longer abandon yourself just to be understood.

Because that’s where the real relationships live.

Not just romantic ones.

But with your children. Your friends. Your family. Yourself.

Relationships where you don’t have to prove.

Where you’re not just needed but deeply valued.

Where you get to be messy, brilliant, tender, powerful and fully met.

That’s why I do this work.

Because I know what it’s like to feel unseen in the very relationships that are supposed to nourish you.

To be celebrated publicly but emotionally invisible privately.

To know you’re meant for something deeper but not know where to start.

And if you’re here reading this?

You’re not broken, You’re just evolving to your next natural level.

You’re not stuck-you’re waking up.

And the next chapter of your relationships won’t come from more doing.

It’ll come from finally being the woman you already are.

Are you ready to stop shrinking in relationships and start expanding into who you came here to be?

That’s what we do here.

That’s what’s possible.

And that’s just the beginning.

Discover the unconscious emotional identity guiding how you show up in love, family, friendships, and beyond and what needs to shift so you can feel valued, secure, and emotionally seen here :

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