The most dangerous and silent addiction that ambitious women, just like you are experiencing...

There was a time in my life where love felt like something I had to work for.

Be useful. Be helpful. Be impressive. Be everything.

If I wasn’t doing something for someone, supporting them, solving something, achieving something, I didn’t know how to exist.

I didn’t know how to be loved.

I didn’t even know how to love me.

I had mistaken approval for connection. Productivity for worthiness. Emotional survival for strength.

I didn’t realise it then, but I’d built my entire identity on a foundation of external validation—what people celebrated, what they needed, what made me indispensable but never truly seen.

It looked like confidence on the outside.

But it was self-abandonment dressed up as success.

And deep down, my heart was quietly breaking.

Because the one person I never felt safe being with... was me.

What I had with myself wasn’t love.

It was pressure. Performance. Perfectionism.

And surprise, surprise—that was mirrored in every relationship I touched.

In friendships where I was the constant giver but rarely the one held.

In romantic dynamics where I attracted people who loved what I did, not who I was.

Eventually, I had to ask the hard question:

Who am I when I’m not performing for love?

That question cracked my identity wide open and thank God it did.

Because that crack became the entry point for truth.

For healing.

For the version of me that I actually liked being with.

I stopped trying to earn love and started learning how to receive it.

Not just from others, but from myself.

Through gentleness.

Through boundaries.

Through choosing peace over proving.

I met my husband when I started to meet me.

And I don’t mean that in a cute Instagram-quote kind of way.

I mean: I stopped leading with a mask and let someone see the real, raw, unperformed me.

And instead of rejection… I got resonance.

He didn’t fall in love with the woman I tried to be, he loved the woman I finally let myself be.

And let me tell you: when you shift your identity, everything changes.

Your thoughts soften.

Your emotions stabilise.

Your boundaries shift.

Your relationships recalibrate.

Because the way you treat yourself becomes the silent blueprint for how others will treat you, too.

If any of this feels painfully familiar, like I’ve just opened your diary, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not stuck.

You’re just in the gap between who you became to survive… and who you actually are underneath.

Want help seeing where your patterns are coming from and how to shift them?

Take the Relationship Pattern Assessment — it’s a 5-minute quiz that gives you real clarity on what’s running the show in your relationships (and where to start untangling it).

Because your identity doesn't just affect how others love you.

It shapes what kind of love you allow yourself to receive.

And you, my love, were made for more than earned love.

You were made for the kind that just... is.