You Want Them to Change, But What You Need Is to Feel Safe Inside Yourself

“If they just showed up more…”

“If they respected my boundaries…”

“If they didn’t pull away the moment things got real…”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there, believing the fix is in the other person changing.

But the deeper truth is that even if they changed, it still wouldn’t feel safe.

Because your nervous system isn’t craving their behaviour shift — it’s craving internal security.

Emotional safety. Identity certainty.

When your identity is still shaped by: the fear of abandonment, past chaos that felt like passion, and the belief that you have to earn love through emotional labour, then no amount of “better communication” will land.

You’ll still question their tone. Still scan their silence . Still brace for withdrawal. The problem isn’t them. It’s the identity that keeps outsourcing safety to someone else’s actions. In The Secure Identity Reset, we rebuild the inner blueprint that anchors you in self-trust, so you don’t need someone else to regulate your reality.

That’s how relationships shift. Not when they get better, but when you get safer.

Want to stop repeating the same pattern with a different face?

Start with the Relationship Identity Quiz or comment “RESET” below and meet the version of you who no longer flinches when love stays.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you ever felt like this? I know i have- let me know below!