They're affectionate, and suddenly your whole nervous system floods with relief. See, it's fine; you were overreacting. Then they go quiet again, and you're right back in the pit...

Wondering how long until they leave.

This is the exhausting cycle no one prepares you for.

They text you something sweet. Your body: RELIEF. Okay, we're safe. Everything's fine. I was spiralling for nothing.

They go quiet for a few hours. Your body: PANIC. It's happening. They're pulling away. I knew this was too good to be true.

They're affectionate in person. Your body: RELIEF. See? They love you. Stop being crazy.

They seem distracted the next day. Your body: PANIC. What did I do wrong? Is this the beginning of the end?

Up. Down. Relief. Panic. Repeat.

And you're exhausted.

Not from the relationship.

From your nervous system treating every shift in their energy like a life-or-death situation.

Your anxious identity is running a 24/7 threat-detection system:

"Monitor their tone. Analyse their texts. Watch for signs. Stay vigilant. If you catch it early enough, maybe you can fix it before they leave."

But here's the truth:

You can't control whether they stay or go.

You can't prevent loss by hypervigilating.

You can't earn security through performance.

All you're doing is exhausting yourself while missing the actual relationship happening in front of you.

I know because I lived in this cycle for YEARS (and I know you have been too).

Every time my partner (now husband) was affectionate, I'd think: "Okay, I'm safe."

Every time his energy shifted, I'd spiral: "Here it comes. He's leaving."

I just wasn't present in the relationship.

I was busy running threat-detection software that never shut off.

The shift happened when I realised:

My anxiety wasn't just protecting me. It was stealing my peace.

My vigilance wasn't keeping him. It was keeping me small and distant from him.

When I shifted my identity from anxious to secure, the cycle broke.

Not because he became perfectly consistent (no one is).

Because I stopped making his fluctuations mean something about my worth.

His quiet? Not about me.

His distance? Probably about him.

His mood? Not my job to fix.

I stopped riding the relief/panic rollercoaster and started trusting myself to handle whatever came.

That's when I actually got to EXPERIENCE the relationship instead of just surviving it.

If you're exhausted from the relief/panic cycle and ready to feel steady instead of reactive,

DM me "STEADY" and let's talk about what it looks like to shift from anxious to secure, from vigilant to present, from surviving to actually LIVING in your relationship in just 16 weeks!